Now, before you get all offended about this blog post, let me clarify a few things:

A. For the purpose of this article, a bitch is a woman who boldly holds you to the highest standard. Who surrounds herself with greatness, wants her money’s worth, and expects you to transform her life in a 55 minute time window without her having to mess up her hair. As it turns out, I am a HUGE bitch. When I go to someone else’s class, I have high expectations. I want a life changing experience. I am LOOKING for you to impress me. And if you don’t, I’m outtie 5000, never to return.

B. Bitches do not reside exclusively on the Upper East Side of NYC. They’re everywhere, from Hackensack to the Hamptons. From sea to shining sea. Holla, bitches!

Now, luckily for me and because I am a bitch, I understand these women. And if you teach fitness, so must you. If you suddenly find yourself subbing at an unfamiliar club and subject to a wolf pack of bitches at 8:30am on a Tuesday, you’ve got to be armed, armored, and dangerous. Here’s what you need know to survive:

1. Look fierce.  Bitches hate it when you’re sloppy, and it only takes a split second when they walk in the room to decide if you’re going to be worth their while. If you are wearing what you slept in and your hair is in your face and you look like you just rolled out of bed (even if you DID), it’s game over. Dress the part and put on some gloss.

2.  Be prepared.  Bitches can smell fear. Never taught at that club before? Take control of the room as if you own it. Get there early if you have to, to figure out the stereo, set the lighting and check your equipment BEFORE they get there and catch you floundering in the corner like a rookie. Never, ever let them see you are unsure. Don’t ask their opinion of how to set up the room. Be the diva you are and give it to them.

3.  Be tactful.  Screen for injury but do it in a way that doesn’t single anyone out. Bitches hate to admit weakness in a room full of strangers. I suggest this script about 2 minutes before class: “If anyone is injured today, now is a great time to let me know so I can help you have a safe workout. Also, if you want to flag me down while I’m walking around the room to explain your injury, that is also great.” *Note: Some bitches refuse to admit they’re injured until you try to correct their form and they tell you they have an injury. You can offer modifications at this time, but warning: some bitches think they already know everything. All you can do is try. If they don’t want to listen to you, leave them alone, and try not to be annoyed with them the rest of class for their horrible form and attitude problem.

4.  Be flexible.  Bitches find reasons to take breaks during the workout. They will leave the room with their purse, only to come back 7 minutes later and resume working out. Or they will check their email. They might take a sip from their Starbucks cup. Or they will simply stand there and stare at you after you have demonstrated your next move, as if they’re waiting for a formal invitation to follow. Sometimes they will walk out completely, or stand there and chat with their friends. Try to let it roll off your back (I struggle with this one, as laziness is my kryptonite). If it starts to disrupt the room, see #5.

5.  Fight fire with fire.  Bitches love and respect other bitches, so don’t be afraid to lay down the law. Be crystal clear at the outset that cell phones are prohibited in the studio. Tell them to be quiet if they are talking. I find that a simple and direct “Quiet, please” over the microphone is quite effective. Bitches hate to be humiliated. Be direct, and be stern. Take control, or trust me, they will.

6.  Find the balance.  This can be tricky. Challenge them, ask them for more, but make them feel like a success at the same time. Know your audience, and plan your class accordingly. Sometimes, when bitches take you by surprise, you may have to alter the workout to make them feel more successful. Give them what they can handle, keep them safe, and challenge them enough that they will want to come back to your class.

7.  Remember why you’re there.  Your JOB is to give a safe, challenging, enjoyable, valuable, informed experience. Do NOT take it personally when bitches don’t respond to you, laugh at your jokes, or come up to you to thank you after class.  You are not there to feed your ego. You are there to provide a service. Do it to the best of your ability, and remember, it’s not about YOU (however, feel free to bitch to your spouse and fellow fitness instructors about this over drinks. **I had to add this sentence after reading this blog to my husband and he said “but you bitch all the time about all of those things!”… it’s a process…).

8.  Be your normal, great teacher self.  Do what you always do- learn their names. Compliment them. Give them positive feedback. Help them out if they’re willing to accept it. Because underneath it all, those bitches are there to better themselves, and as much as they hate to admit it, they are relying on you.

I say all of this with a healthy amount of jest, of course, but in the end, I really mean this: People like this are YOUR greatest teachers.  BDP (Bitch Disaster Prevention) is a foolproof way to stay on your toes, practice diplomacy and flexibility, prepare your material, look great, and know your sh*t.  So ultimately, you help them, and they help you.

Now get out there and teach some bitches, bitches! 

Instructors, have funny stories to share about this?  Gym members, want to tell me what you expect of US?  Post below!  I love a great conversation.

Much love and good spirited fun,

Erika

BUT because I really believe that as a teacher, my job is to share with you what I’ve learned, I decided to post the “Sunday Morning Breakdown Draft” here on my blog.  I want to show you that I am human, that I have doubt, that I have fear, and I choose to lead anyway.  I also want to show you that while things are bad in the moment, they will be better in a day or two, and that it is okay to let yourself go through it.  So without further delay, here it is.  If this resonates with you or if you have felt like this in any way, please leave a comment so we can get through it together!

Subject Heading:  Happy February, blah blah blah, I’m cranky.

Body:  Hello, my friend.

So it’s the beginning of the month, which means it’s time for me to write to you guys and give you the updates, the offerings, the fun stuff.  And you may think that from my cheery website or the frequent use of exclamation points that pepper my updates, I’m always totally psyched to write to you and share what’s up, and invite you to cool stuff and jump around.  And I usually am!  But I’ll tell you a secret.  I’m tired.  I’ve been sick for a week and a half.  And the wind has been knocked right out of my sails.

Here’s why I think I don’t feel like writing to you:

For anyone who owns their own business, or does any kind of public speaking or teaching or leadership of any kind, there’s a certain energy level that you have to maintain to succeed and earn your students’ trust.  I am generally very excited to share things with you- every exclamation point you see from me comes from a place of genuine enthusiasm.  But right now, I’m cranky.  And I can’t very well write with fake gusto, so I’ve decided just to sit in my cranky and see what happens.

I have so much I want to say to you guys.  Some of you will open this email.  About 43 percent, I’d say.  Out of that 43%, maybe half of you will read it all the way through.  Some of you will click a link and check my schedule and some of you will do what I do, delete the email just to make your inbox look neater.  I get it.  I do it too.  I don’t know what to do to get through to you.  I want to help you.  I want you to be riveted by me.  But if you aren’t, please unsubscribe from this list.  I love you and I want you to be happy, but if you’re not my peeps, I don’t want to hang out with you.  

I have a happy laundry list of things to share with you, about fun things I’ve done this month, about classes and videos and goings on, but I find that it’s hard to bring myself to share it with you with genuine enthusiasm yesterday, when I was supposed to send this email.  I am sick.  I am feeling low energy, and I am feeling incredibly dissatisfied with the way I have to keep “bothering” you in order to get you to buy tickets, or take class, or show up.  And I do want you to show up.  I want you to think I’m amazing.  But more than that, I want to believe that I am amazing.  As I draft in my Sunday morning fashion, Mac in my lap, coffee on the nightstand, husband next to me with his book, I am sitting here crying like a baby.  Today I don’t feel like I deserve to be writing to you.  I am not successful.  I am not the greatest teacher or dancer or choreographer or singer that ever lived.  I want to be.  But more importantly, I want you to THINK I am.  I don’t know why it’s so important to me but it is.  But lately I have become hip to a bad habit.  I cannot for the life of me accept the success I have created.  I downplay it and make excuses as to why certain great things happened.  Example:  This month I choreographed my first music video.  This was incredibly exciting to me, and would have been MOREso if I wouldn’t have followed “I’m choreographing my first music video!!!” with “but there isn’t much dancing in it, and I didn’t get it through my agent.  I got it through a friend, so it doesn’t really count.”  Guess what.  At the end of the day, I did just choreograph my first video!  I should be really happy about that!  Another example:  “Yes, I did the ROCK OF AGES movie.  But that’s only because I made a silly video and Adam Shankman put us in.  I didn’t REALLY get into the movie based on my talent, and we didn’t get to dance that much anyway.”   Or  here’s something else:  “I just created my choreography reel, after years of being afraid to do so.  But please don’t look at it because it’s not that great.  I’ve hardly done anything big or worthwhile.”  See what I’m saying?  It’s exhausting!  I can’t say one thing to you, and expect to have packed classes or great gigs, unless I freaking BELIEVE what I’m saying.  So yes, I am great.  I have done awesome things.  I am a freaking go-getter.  And I choose this month to start believing that I’m doing well.  I have to.  Because if I don’t, I am going to stay sick and miserable.  So help me out- if you catch me downplaying anything I’ve done in your presence, say ERIKA.  STOP IT.  And smack me in the ass.

So that’s that.  Whew!  What a mouthful.  But amazing, because through writing this, I learned that I downplay and minimize everything I achieve, and that is crap!  Now I’m onto myself. 

Here’s a question for you:  Are you hip to any of your crazy destructive thought patterns?  Tell me what they are and we can help each other out!

Much love to you guys, and thanks for reading.

xo

Erika

Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Last night in class we did a fun hip hop routine to Mac Miller’s “Party on Fifth Ave” and it was so much fun that I just had to ask a few peeps to stay after class and record it with me!  Here it is, and I hope you enjoy!  Leave a comment to let me know if you like, and if you ever want to try out the class, let me know!

xo

Erika

Recorded at Equinox on January 19, 2012!

MAKE LOVE: a day of practical + mystic manifestation, magic + movement to unveil the love of your life.

Join me, Margaret Nichols, and Erin Stutland as we offer spiritual solutions for your romantic problems, and usher in your highest capacity to love, just before Valentine’s Day!  You don’t want to miss this day- it’s unlike anything I’ve ever been a part of.  We are getting really soulful here, and the sh*t works.  I mean, have you MET my husband??! 

This one-day, first time ever event will include:

• Movement to set your feminine sensuality ablaze + to ignite love within.
• Spiritual technologies to burn away tethers to old relationships holding you back from bringing in the new.
• Clarity + intention setting exercises, coaching + sacred rituals to broadcast your deepest desires to the world
• Aligning with the benevolence of the universe to bless you with love.

WHEN: Saturday, February 11th.  10:30am-5pm.
WHERE:   TACT Studio, 900 Broadway, New York City

HOW MUCH:  $75 early registration by 1/20.  $95 thereafter,  $115 at the door.

TO REGISTER:  CLICK HERE and do it fast, as space is limited!

www.makelovenyc.com

See Erika (briefly!) at 1:19 in the pink!